A Confused Sea

imageIn the space of a morning–this morning–I spoke to a friend over breakfast about the nature of learning to love ourselves. We talked about the pain of being human, and the beauty of it too. No definite conclusions were arrived at, but what is true that in the connecting over our mutual and shared humanity there was comfort, and perhaps some wisdom gained, or a previously unseen thread revealed.

I returned home to find the mail from yesterday, and a card from my ex-husband. For those of you who don’t know me, our marriage was one of souls meeting and celebrating, and the ending of the relationship the entry into an emotional journey which utterly transformed my soul–as much as the marriage itself did. Time, forgiveness, understanding have mellowed the experience so that now a card from him is welcome; the contents shared some emotional and vulnerable details of his life, and I marveled again at the journey we all make. The journey to love, and fail, and die, and rebirth . . . the journey towards recognizing our Selves that seems to never end.

A quick shower and I was on the phone with another friend, ostensibly to talk about our goals as artists; that explored, she shared news with me of a mutual friend’s discovery of a terrible terminal illness present in his body, and he and his family’s exploration of the now imminent end of his life. We spoke of the death of a child she had known, and the unfathomable nature of this human experience.

Now I’m sitting, writing, watching the snow fall and listening to Max Richter’s Blue Notebooks, which is a soundtrack for many moods. I’m reflecting on the nature of existing with our fragile hearts, the preciousness of seizing our lives, however and if we believe our souls live on. I’m feeling how important it is to make the journey toward love and connection. How finding the connection between ourselves and others, between myself and the snow that falls, and the orchid that just died, and the man walking his dog and the geese on the lake is the only thing we are here to do, the only thing that matters.

By Nina from Australia
By Nina from Australia

It often takes death or heartbreak to spur us to reflection of these things; yet I am continuously impelled to create a life of meaning. To find the larger “why,” the greater truth behind what is present, yet largely unseen. The world seems turbulent, of late, like a confused sea. From the weather to the end of one life at 2 years old and another at 82 . . . from the shining moments of clarity about how to proceed with one’s life, or receiving the love of a friend, to the ineffable joy in just watching black ravens fly across a white sky . . .  to the pain of realizing I’ve cut myself short again on my ambitions, my cosmic to-do list, and that I’m still feeling afraid, misunderstood. There are currents and cross currents, and it’s hard not to feel buffeted about.

How to navigate such a confused sea? I know that over the last week Mercury and Jupiter turned direct, Saturn and Mars turned retrograde. The moon is waxing into a fullness that will culminate in Virgo. The energy from the cosmos seems as confused as I am, a complex dance of energies that balance, pause, turn in a pattern of movement that offers much yet defines little. Shall I feel? Speak? Retreat? A vision is struggling to emerge; a perception that how we feel about ourselves and each other is the largest area of growth, the greatest doorway to connection, and, if not joy, then an end to the isolation that seems to dog the human experience.  jupiter-v1_640x542Can we take the lessons of Jupiter’s journey through Cancer and expand our definition of family and home? Can we feel with the same exuberance with which we analyze and think? Will we speak with compassion and objectivity as Mercury retraces its steps back through Aquarius and into Pisces? Is it possible to face our relationship to ourselves and integrate the unexpressed pains of our lineage wounding to create a new inner harmony, as Mars and Saturn look inward to Libra and Scorpio respectively?

One need not know the movement of the planets to find healing, insight, and strength. Yet these heavenly bodies do create a symphony of energy that permeates all, and if I choose to listen–as I listen to music now–I may be assisted, inspired, informed. I don’t pretend to know the infinite nature of the universe, or the Truth, should one Truth exist. But I do know that opening to the existence of some greater pattern and meaning aids in the navigation of both a calm and confused sea.

Be both bold, and gentle!

Photo on 2011-08-05 at 16.21 #2Elia

Juicy Fruit


As I write, nature’s light show is going off over the Flatirons and beyond; the night is just cooling down to sultry as opposed to bloody roasting, and the crickets are toning in the grass. The lake below is varied deep shades of inky gray, and it all is just seeming like the perfect metaphor for this week’s astrology.

We start with the harmonious sextile from the Sun in Virgo to Jupiter in Cancer on Sept. 7. Great vibes to be coming off the New Moon in Virgo and relating our urges for compassionate self-improvement to some emotional expansion and self-responsibility. All good when heart, body, and mind have an opportunity to align.  And just as we’re getting comfortable with our new intentions for greater wellness (mental, emotional, physical, spiritual), our shenanigans in the intimacy and relational world start heating up. (Check the updated Flowers That Heal page for essences to help with September’s energies.)

Enter the metaphor, above. Mars in Leo is the lightning, heating up Saturn’s presence in Scorpio. All the indigo depths of our emotions, power & control issues, and intimacy fears receive a jolt of Mars/Leo’s fiery energy. Mars in Leo wants to express, play, be in charge. How is that sitting with whatever contraction–thunder, perhaps?–is happening in our own psyche under Saturn’s tutelage? Does it look like wanting to express our own essence but being afraid to be seen? Does it feel like needing to be get a little more sassy in the bedroom, say, but feeling like you could never express that wish?

By fortherock (Flickr: Lions & Lion Cubs)

Or perhaps a child is feeling her oats and roaring up and down the house, and you are feeling the strain of how to relate to your wild cub that last week was as compliant as a lamb.

Sept. 9 is the exact square of Mars to Saturn, and this influence will last a few days. It’s important to honor how we want to really express–in a big, fun way–while taking into consideration how this affects those who are our emotional intimates (including our inner children). Both Leo and Scorpio are fixed signs, and stubborn, and both want to feel a measure of power. Using Mercury’s ingress into Libra could be helpful here, as the tendency for “my way or the highway” can be present.

Mercury in Libra is a breath of mental fresh air amidst the steamy, sultry Leo/Scorpio energy. There is opportunity to find balance and perhaps middle ground as the quickness of Mercury finds expression in gentle, moderating Libra. Be mindful of Libra’s tendency for wishy-washy or fence sitting, though, and don’t fall into a pleasing-others-in-sacrifice-of-self trap. If you find yourself prevaricating in those timely discussions, turn the hot tap up just a little bit, and speak your truth–but with your inside voice.

Venus moves into Scorpio on the 11th, and thus we can see those expressions of Venus intensifying. The Taurus side of her will want to build something of value upon the new emotional insights that Saturn’s transit is bringing; perhaps we will see what a resource our own ability to be vulnerable and surrender control truly is. The Libra side will want depth, intensity, and some juicy fruit from her relationships. With both love and desire planets in play with the energy of Saturn and Scorpio, it’s bound to get kinda interesting. Fears may come up; power plays with parents or work may ensue, and the words to remember are trust and surrender; moderation and–could we possibly let ourselves have it?–joy.

Portrait-Photo-Hysterical-singing-150x145-1The 14th is an active day, with Mercury and Pluto in tension–communication may be tough, but again, if we let go of fear and rigidity, and own what is ours,  we can find depths of transformation. Mars’ trine to Uranus keeps that inspired creative action coming, and Venus in trine to Neptune can bring snippets of synchronicity through dreams, psychic flashes, or poetry written on bathroom walls.

All the while the Sun travels through Virgo, who is looking at all this activity with a critical, or hopefully discerning, eye. It’s quite the mix this week, and asking what to take in? and what to leave out? will be a good use of Virgo’s high vibration.



I Think, Therefore I Evolve?

A friend of mine shared a link on Facebook, a quote from Jeff Brown: Excessive Analysis Leads to Emotional Paralysis

I have interesting feelings of my own about this idea, because I believe it and yet also deeply believe in the capacity of the mind to affect healing. I feel (and think!) that developing a witness consciousness and an ability to perceive one’s own mind is invaluable in healing.

In any case this isn’t a plug for or against Brown, who is making his contribution to the spiritual consciousness of the world just as I and many others are trying to do. What came up for me is the function of the mind in the processing of our unhealed, disowned, and unrecognized emotions/emotional blocks.

To analyze, process, and perfect are the actions of Virgo. The Moon and Venus are conjunct in this sign today, August 9. There will be a natural tendency to use the mind and it’s incredible powers of analysis in the Venusian realms of love, self-love, relating and working with our own talents and resources.

Am I good enough? Do I make enough money? Am I wasting my potential? Does that person deserve me? Do I deserve them? Why am I alone? Why am I lonely? How can I be more perfect so that I can have more money, love, etc. Why? Why? Why?

These are the kinds of questions that can arise in our minds during the passage of the moon through Virgo and connection with Venus, or if we have the Virgo archetype emphasized in our charts. The Mercury ruled Earth sign of Virgo can be relentless in its busyness and thinking. I agree with Jeff that we cannot merely think our way into healing and awareness. And yet, without the cultivation of a witness aspect of our consciousness–the ability to watch ourselves and our emotions–we cannot discern (great Virgo word) what is happening within us to feel.

Shadow Virgo is hypercritical and operating a thinking journey; enlightened Virgo realizes what the mind is telling itself and performs whatever actions necessary to remove limiting beliefs from the body temple.

Another aspect of the Moon-Venus conjunction is to tap both these planets’ ability to generate love and nurturing. Neptune, in Virgo’s polarity of Pisces, also offers a solution of compassion, and a surrendering of our thoughts to the Divine heart. Thoughts do drive feelings and it is important to recognize and watch them. Then to release the mind and enter the heart, this, I believe, is one way of evolving into more complete aspects of our selves.

Many times we do not know why we feel as we do; it is important then to just feel the feelings! Many times we analyze and pick apart events and relationships way beyond the point that is useful. As ever, there is a balance to be gained with body, heart, and mind . . . the planets in Leo right now are asking us to open up our heart centers, the water planets are asking us to feel, and the earth planets are inviting us to take ALL that awareness and ground it into our everyday lives.

Thinking, Feeling, Doing: it all helps us to evolve and connect more deeply to ourselves and therefore the world. I thank my friend and Jeff Brown for stimulating the thoughts and feelings that guided the post this week!

For more info on other transits and themes for the week of 8/9-8/16, listen here:

8-9 to 8-16 forecast

Photo on 2011-08-05 at 16.21 #2Blessings,


Say It Like You Mean It

solar-eclipse_end_diaAn active week in the cosmos coming up! First a note of thanks to all who have been so patient and responsive to my blog transition! I am so thrilled with the new site and the streamlining of my life to just plain eliaseely! Thanks esp. to Eddy Deane, who is a designer, dancer, artist, friend extraordinaire!

Now, onto the star talk!

The main event this week is the new moon solar eclipse at 19 degrees 31 minutes Taurus. The last lunar eclipse in Scorpio had many of us reeling with the intensity of it all, and so I’ve had a lot of folks asking about the energies in store for May 9. I find that solar eclipses are often less intense than lunar events because the events that transpire are not coming up from the subconscious or from hidden places. They may be more decisive in the energies they carry, but usually about things that we are already aware of and dealing with. Never mind in the medieval times that solar eclipses signaled the “toppling of kings;” what we need to look for with this eclipse is how places where we may have been stuck, digging in our heels, or just plain in denial about will suddenly open up, move forward, on, or away.

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The Ebb Tide

Coming off the Pisces new moon we’ve still got plenty of the watery, Divine energy sloshing about, but as Mars has joined Uranus in Aries we will have a bolt of extra fire to contrast with all the water. We’ll feel like taking action and have a little more umph to our days, while still, of course, feeling the sensitive and squishy energies that continue to be present in Pisces.

Mercury is still in his retrograde motion, so it continues to be a good time for going inside to reflect on the state of our hearts and souls, aided by the retrograde of Saturn in Scorpio.

And speaking of Saturn, he’s making a waning sextile to Pluto, so this is an opportunity to ground the emotional ah-has we might be getting in the body, in new structures we put in place for ourselves, or simply, for letting go. It may be that insights coming during this Pisces deluge can really help our movement forward in the evolution of our souls, to make decisions that are more relevant to who we are now.

The choice is still up for us to act on feelings, or act on thinking. The ideal solution is to let our feeling inform our thinking (which it does whether we are seeing that consciously or not), rather than ignoring what is coming up because it isn’t convenient, pretty or easy. Be not a victim! is the cry for this time. Don’t let your thoughts put you there–make a new choice; Mars and Uranus can help with that.



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